Tug of War

“Do not ever talk to me, call me or even text me anymore!”, Mark said to me with raging eyes as he points his finger at me then walked out the door. At that very moment I knew, our 6 years relationship is over.

The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; The one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. –Proverbs 13:3

This has been one of the verses I try to apply in my life. I try to keep quiet or keep everything to myself than say something that can destroy or hurt somebody else. Martyrdom? Not so much. It’s really hard to keep everything only to yourself. People get heart attacks just by doing that. Well for me, all the hurt, the pain, the sorrow, it’s all inside of me. I keep everything to myself just so he can have his happiness. Well, Love means sacrifice. And not only to him, but to all people I know. I’m not such an open type of person when it comes to negative things. I’m an optimistic kind of person so I concentrate more on the positive side of things. I compliment people and do all ways to make them happy. I was once told by my Chinese professor as he looked into my palm, that I’ll sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of others.
I thought I could hide all my feelings of pain from him so we can have this beautiful relationship without fighting over something, but he suddenly said that he couldn’t feel my care for him, how could he marry someone who doesn’t really care about him. Ouch. He just busted the bubble. You know the feeling when you’re like pouring water into a glass, then slowly it’s getting full. If the water keeps on pouring and no one’s drinking it, it’ll overflow to the ground. My feelings overflowed like those water and I couldn’t stop it anymore. I said things which weren’t meant to be said out loud. Being the defensive type of person that he is, he said stuffs that just pierced though my heart.
We’re like players of a game called “tug of war”. I push, he withdraws and vice versa. Our relationship represents the rope. I pulled a bit too hard and he’s slowly letting go of the rope. This was the worst fight we ever had because this time, he’s the one breaking up with me.
I was in shock and I couldn’t move. All I could think of was…it’s over. Done. End. I heard him start his car and went out our gate. I felt my body heating up and I suddenly had this urge to get out of the house, not to go after him but to get something cold, something that can ease the burning pain I feel inside. I started my car and went out. I was surprised to see his car still parked outside our street. Since my maid’s already asleep, I had to close the gate. So I went out of my car, closed the gate and when I got back…He was there at my door.
Just to make the story short, we talked inside my car. Tugging our own side of the rope, again. Now, He’s trying to pull the rope and I’m the one ready to let go.
Compromise. That’s what we need. We eventually got tired of hearing each other’s reason so we just agreed upon some things. I have to be more open about my feelings whether it’s positive or negative. He, on the other hand, has to recognize and appreciate me more.
I once heard that out of every bad situation, good happens. Before ending this day, Mark told me that he’s proving his love for me by holding the rope so tight and he wouldn’t let go no matter how hard I push or pull. I told him that I would also hold the rope so tight no matter how rough it is. And maybe after years of holding our rope, we can tie the knot someday.